One again.. its been awhile, my bad.

I guess you can say I've been quite uninspired. But I have definitely gotten out of that streak with something a little different. I'm actually kind of proud of what I've been experiencing and writing, expressing it through spoken word mostly... its pretty awesome

I don't want to bother going over the things that have gone on in the past.. damn, its been almost a year. Wow.

Anyway, I'd rather begin in a more present time frame.

So, I've noticed that alot of my writing poem, prose, or journal is mainly focused on the pain I kinda caused myself. Anything I've experienced, good or bad, played off of the actions I have taken. I guess I've had a lot of time to reflect on the past few years.

I met someone, his name is Jordan. Let me tell you something people, this guy, he just... he gets me. When he looks into my eyes, its like he can see right through me. As vulnerable as it makes me feel, at times, its comforting. Its like he can see the real me, and still want to be apart of my life. I've done things that I'm not so proud of, but people grow up, people change. He and I have known each other for about 6 months but have only truly gotten close within the past 4 and a half. Jordan is very sensitive, in the aspect that he's very caring. He has the heart of gold, but its been locked away for so long by the bitterness of heartbreak. He told me that after his last girlfriend he decided to never open his heart up again, to never take a chance on someone getting close to him.. until me. And I feel the same way about him. When things first started out, if you would have asked me if I thought we would have ended up like this, I would have laughed in your face. Jordan was very shy, closed off, reserved. I remember the first time he kissed me. First of all: He ASKED if I let him kiss me... Girls? I know you know what I'm thinking. You don't ask! You just go in for the kill. If it works out, it works out. If not, well at least you tried and confidence is a key element. Out of nowhere, Jordan just started doing and saying the right things to attract me. Giving massages, which of course were his idea , he would gentle caress my hand when ever he would want a kiss. I just love how open we are with each other. And its like we never get sick of each other. I mean don't get me wrong, the kid can strick a nerve or two every now and then, but honestly its so hard to go through a day without seeing him. We have been seeing each other just about every day nonstop for the past 3 months. And its incredible!!! He makes me laugh and smile, makes me feel good about myself, cooks for me! I mean come on, that's hubby right there!

That's another thing. Hubby... About a week n a half ago, I confessed to him that I am in love with him. Although I wasn't quite ready to admit that to him, I just knew it was true and he asked me. I can't lie to him. I love him. Jordan hasn't said it to me, and I don't expect him to just because I said it. I still say it, expect absolutely no response. I just want him to know that there is someone in the world, not far, that has deep true feelings for him and I'm not going anywhere. So anyway, about two days after that, Jordan claims that I want to marry him. Jordan and I are very playful with each other, so this is something I would expect to hear him say. He likes to point out the obvious: I love him, I could see myself marrying him, having a family, and being happy making each other happy. What he doesn't like to admit: He feels the same way. I know he does, I know it every time I look in his longing deep brown eyes. He longs to be cared for, and I all want to do is find someone who will let me love them. We're perfect!

And did I mention the sex? lol I'm not gonna go into full-on detail, but its incredibly amazing. I've never been able to tell someone I love them during sex... until Jordan. And because of that, because of him, I got my first orgasm. I'll never forget it. Jordan's deep inside of me, I can feel every inch of him. I look up, exhausted yet begging for more, our eyes lock. The only thing I could think to say was the only thing I had in my heart, 'I love you,' my thighs began to twitch and finally... It was beautiful. Every time I orgasm he tells me how beautiful I am and that I deserved it. lol I mean I know I work hard too during sex but.. lol I just can't get over hoe perfect he is! ::swoons:: I love it!

There are just so many levels that we connect on, its.. incredible. lol I know I keep using that word alot, but it is and I never want to lose it. Jordan is such an amazingly sweet, passionate, caring, generous, thoughtful person, sometimes I don't think I deserve something so goregous.

Well, I think I'm gonna go. I know that's not much of a recap, but he's all I can think about

I'll end this with a and a